Domestic violence campaign featuring men as the victims/survivors, done in a way that doesn’t rely on hyper-masculinity?
Kudos, police!
Male Ally Tips - Things You Can Do Every Day!
I was looking around for something that gives strategies that men can do to prevent rape and rape culture. Outside of Jackson Katz’s “10 Things Men Can Do To Stop Rape,” I didn’t find anything that was more recent. I put this list together as a handout for the male-identified training. I didn’t want to reinvent the wheel with this, but I feel there isn’t anything that is just a quick list of how to interrupt rape culture. Comments, questions, criticisms encouraged.
Male Ally Tips – Things You Can Do Every Day!
Being an ally isn’t just about attending trainings and volunteering with RVA – it’s mostly about the way we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis. With that in mind, here are some things to be mindful of…
- Watch how much space you take up. Often when we are sitting on the train or bus, men tend to take up more space than women. In some cases, it may be because we are physically bigger than women, but in others it is an unearned (and unnoticed) sense of entitlement. When you ride the train, compare and contrast how much space men take up versus women. Remember that your size can be intimidating.
- Learn to step back… From an early age, boys are encouraged to voice our opinions and to speak when we feel something needs to be said. However, that can lead us to dominate a conversation or meeting. Instead, practice not talking. Let others, particularly female-identified people, speak first. If they have said something you thought about saying, you don’t need to echo it.
- …and to step up! Use your voice for good – when you hear other men telling a sexist joke, or statements that support rape myths, or words that belittle survivors of domestic and sexual violence, interject! You’ll be surprised at how effective (and appreciated!) a statement such as “I really don’t think that (joke/comment/remark) is funny” really is.
- Attend feminist events. If male-identified people are welcomed at the space, show your support by attending talks by feminist authors, film screenings by female filmmakers, and concerts with feminist performers.
- Support feminist media. Go one step further – if we want to put a stop to rape culture, we need to work on dismantling it. Supporting alternatives to mainstream, corporate-owned media is imperative. Get a subscription to Bitch magazine, buy albums of feminist performers and buy tickets to movies that feature strong female leads and/or positive depictions of gender non-conforming folks. As the old saying goes, “money talks”- if companies see these movies doing well they are more likely to continue making them!
- Volunteer! If you have the time, volunteer for a rape crisis or domestic violence center. Men NEED to be doing this work. Most of the time violence is perpetrated, a man is the perpetrator. This is not being anti-male, it’s just being honest. Call your local rape crisis or domestic violence center and find out how you can help. You may not be able to work directly with survivors, but you can do prevention work – which involves talking to other men – and that is equally important.
- Make your space feminist. We don’t want to take up more space than necessary, but rather, to make the space we do take up feminist. If you work in an office, push for a sexual assault 101 training. Hang up posters in your cubicle that are supportive of gender-equality. If you’re a member of a fraternity, do a service project that benefits a local rape crisis or DV center. It’s possible to do this in any space – not just the social work field!
- Be an active bystander. Obviously if we see a sexual assault taking place we should intervene, as anyone would do. However, sexual violence exists on a continuum. Verbal street harassment and groping are also forms of sexual violence, though they are commonly accepted. If you see a man talking to a woman on the train, ask the woman if the man is bothering her. When you see a man taking upskirt pictures on his iPhone, tell him that is not only illegal but wrong. If a man grabs a woman, tell him, in your own words, to leave her alone. Most of these behaviors continue because the men who perpetrate the actions feel justified since they have never had another man call them out on it. Equally important, we want to think of our own safety – intervene if you feel comfortable, but we’re not superheroes, nor do we want to feel that just because we are men we need to be “strong” enough to fix everything. Taking your own safety account is imperative!
- Reflect the type of masculinity you want to see in the world. If we want to break the association of masculinity and violence, we need to portray the type of masculinity we want to see. This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, being nurturing and supportive of children, taking responsibility for our actions, and apologizing when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. It also means supporting men who are “outside the gender box,” as well as supporting women and gender non-conforming folks. If we continue to harbor the negative qualities of masculinity, we can’t effectively change it.
- Be accountable. Finally, recognize the ways that you are being oppressive. Always keep yourself in check. Being an ally means being accountable to feminists and to female-identified and gender non-conforming people. Though we may have the best of intentions, it is common to make mistakes. That’s how privilege works, after all – we will always be unlearning sexism. Being an ally is a lifelong process, and you’ve started on the road to making the world a safer place for women and girls (as well as boys and men!). That should be commended. However, we do not deserve praise for doing the work we should be doing; for taking responsibility. Make sure you are self-critical, self-aware, and knowledgeable about your words and actions.
Like this, without the commendations for allies in #10.
These are all things you should do, if you’re a man!
"People are saying, ‘Why don’t we scrap the concept of masculinity all together and let people be whoever they want to be, just leave it totally open’,” Gomez says. “I think that’s great, but a 14-year-old who grows up in a hyper-machismo household surrounded by highly homophobic peers, and his only two models of masculinity are like his worship of Lil Wayne and his abusive uncle, it’s not very useful to tell that kid, ‘Yo, just forget about the box, man. Be whoever you are.’ If you don’t give him any counter-narratives, that’s actually not giving him any options."
— The End of Violent, Simplistic, Macho Masculinity (via sparkamovement)
(via lostgrrrls)
Challenging sexism in the workplace, from the White Ribbon Campaign
fuck yeah WRC! campaigning against violence against women and focusing the campaign onmen challenging men’s shitty behaviourgetsmy vote
sign their pledge to never “commit, condone, or remain silent about men’s violence against women in all its forms” if you haven’t already (then actually follow through with it)
(Source: osocio.org)
In this last installment of a three-part series on the effects of the media on men’s esteem, Social Action Representative Melissa A. Fabello takes on the relationship between men, sex, and pornography. Not an anti-porn rant or a discussion of how porn affects men’s behavior toward women, this video focuses instead on the lies that the porn industry sells and why it’s so damaging for men when they buy into them.
Melissa is currently pursuing a Master’s in Human Sexuality Education.
pretty much! with the caveat that penis makes not the man
How should we talk to men about sexism?
- Martin Robbins: You almost need a sort of training arena where you can say stupid things to feminists and not get shot down in public. When I was struggling to understand patriarchy, I found feminist blogs unhelpful. I was asking questions I now realise were a bit stupid, but out of naivety rather than anything else.
- Laurie Penny: I’ve thought about this a lot and unfortunately, I do think female feminists are going to have to be a bit more forgiving and generous in our corrections from time to time, if we can do that without diluting the message – firm but fair. Which of course sucks balls, because we’ve spent our lives being told to be forgiving and generous and make men feel better.
- Martin Robbins: Well, it’s a balance, because while I agree with that, men also need to…er…man up, and accept that we all have a responsibility to educate ourselves. We do need male feminists, but it’s hard to know where to start, especially as a writer. Plus, feminism shouldn’t be just for women. I’ve had feminists tell me I’m not allowed to call myself a feminist, and I hate that.
- :
- my additions: in my opinion, this guy - though a self-identified feminist - still comes off to me as pretty entitled. There are issues in my eyes with a lack of analysis of how patriarchy affects men, but it's obvious why it's not been a focus from non-male feminists, and in my eyes it's only really male feminists who should take any research/analysis on that forward. Also, men getting defensive about their privilege is mirrored with basically every other axis of oppression, and I really don't think it necessitates a change in language. also also, men shouldn't really have any say in who counts as a feminist and who doesn't... sorry.
- my constructive points: I definitely think that men should be the ones that provide the sort of "training area" Martin talks about, with the obvious caveat that men shouldn't be the sole arbiter on feminism and there'd need to be definite oversight to make sure the privilege didn't run away with itself. I'd be down with helping to set up a forum/Facebook group providing this service, so that (mostly female) feminists don't get the stupid often-offensive questions from noobies to feminism constantly grating on their nerves.
“Pairing men with femininity is seen as like an insult, like you’re lowering yourself. Yet women doing masculinity - not an insult to women. I think it’s safe to say that there might even be some fear of the feminine. I’ve heard this phenomenon referred to in some circles as femmephobia. So this aversion to the feminine in marketing and products is one of the outcomes of femmephobia. Another outcome is that anytime someone who is perceived as a man is aligning with anything feminine-y - it is perceived as a direct threat to Mr. Manly Man’s masculinity. You can be aggressive, you can be intolerant, you can be hateful; but don’t dare wear a dress. Or so comes, ‘you’re a fag,’ ‘you’re a pussy,’ and the violence.” - Laci Green
from Sex+: Men & Femininity
(Source: harryjamespotterarchive, via chloridecleansing)
Great Laurie Penny column on the recent survey she put up about men and their relationship with masculinity and gender.
being a decent ally
I’ve noticed a lot of “allies” on tumblr - anti-racist/anti-sexist/anti-ableist/whatever - using sarcasm and snide comments when calling people out
you really should stop doing that. if you’re a woman calling out sexism, be as snarky as you want, obv - but if you’re a dude, then you can’t just get snarky with mansplainers
being even a halfway decent ally involves actually trying to work with people with the same privilege as you to go through the difficult 101 stuff that they almost definitely won’t (want to) understand e.g. why ‘power plus prejudice’ is a far more sensible definition of oppression than just ‘prejudice’, and why prejudice is often well-warranted
P.S. I’m not as good as I should be at this either. this is as much a note to me as anyone else
"At the end of the day, any men prepared to stand up against sexism, sexual and domestic violence, socially constructed gender roles and women’s oppression are all right by me. I don’t care what they call themselves either: allies, fellow travellers, feminist sympathisers, pro-feminists, or even just plain feminists; it doesn’t matter what’s on the label, it’s how feminism is translated into everyday life that matters. You can’t call yourself a feminist and then go home and beat your partner; you can’t call yourself a feminist and in the next breath deny your daughter the right to decide her own future; you can’t call yourself a feminist while at the same time you’re patting women on the head and telling them how to think. But treat us as equals and we’ll reciprocate. There’s still a long way to go, but we’ll get there much faster together."
—
Can men be feminists? by Cath Elliot
Doesn’t really cover any new ground in the long-running and kinda hackneyed debate, but I quite liked this paragraph - it’s often what matters that counts, not what you call yourself.
The rest of the article has a cissexist tone though :X
